My F-Bomb
[Art Connection]
“Dream” by Priscilla Ahn
Growing up in Texas (a.k.a. the “Bible Belt”), “feminism" was like a curse word to me.
I associated it with women who wanted to “smash patriarchy” and probably didn’t shave as a way to stick it to the man (poor guy). It didn’t help that I attended conservative Baptist churches where specific gender roles were promulgated and feminists were painted as “a little too radical for my likin’.”
My parents constantly told me to pursue whatever God had for me. That’s really the only reason I moved to New York alone at 19, wanted a high GPA, and sustainable career helping people in the arts. Initially, I was the one at my Christian college who judged students who were brave enough to call themselves “the f word”. I thought they must be women who just had a bad breakup and didn’t understand their Biblical responsibilities. But like many philosophical shifts in life, I changed my mind when I was put on the defense.
It was a boy.
(Yeah I know. Like, 17 levels of irony.)
His childhood was similar to mine, and he was from a largely conservative homeschooling family like mine. But he said things to me I never heard in my family like, “Women are better nurturers, so they should be responsible for raising children.” In his mind, God designed women’s bodies to have children as soon as they were married. He also told me that even if a woman felt called to a career in a particular field, it was her obligation in marriage to sacrifice it so her husband could be the provider. (To his credit, his views have since changed.)
I always carried a heavy sense of guilt that my aspirations or diligence were something that burdened him, not something for which he could rejoice. As much as I really did love children (I’m a nanny now and have worked with children for 7 years), I couldn’t stomach this idea that God just gave me school and ambitions as busywork until I were married. And if that were true, I absolutely couldn’t rationalize why I was going into debt for an education that would be obsolete the moment I said, “I do.” (For those whispering, “But her husband’s edification!”…well, I can’t even.)
I began edging closer and closer toward “the f word,” and I felt crippling shame at the thought of telling anyone that I’d become “one of them.”
As a true nerd, I thought I’d better define my terms, and I went to my good ol’ friends, M-W.
Merriam Webster defines feminism as: “the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.” It was like a whole JumboTron lit up with the words, “By George, I think she’s got it!” while angels sang the Hallelujah Chorus!!
(A bit much? Hey, it was a big moment. Sheesh.)
Both sexes get a bad rap. For example, stereotypes of emotional women or oblivious men aren’t really about women versus men; they’re about feelers versus thinkers (personality traits from the Meyer’s Briggs test). I have always felt more “manly” in the sense that I’m a fixer by nature and quite emotionally unattached. Similarly, I’ve met a lot of men who were much more “feminine” in their emotional sensitivity and need to be heard.
My point? We should be able to unite around humans and not waste time creating divisions that don’t actually lead to a better flourishing of (insert society, family, church, government, etc.).
I still don’t know how I feel about asking guys on dates or female pastors, but I do believe that God wants me, for now, to minister through my work.
For that reason, I am not afraid to drop this f-bomb: I am a Christian feminist, and I support this message.
Stay tuned for more on my thoughts about the “Ban Bossy” campaign!
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vérité et de grâce
truth and grace